Time with Gus

[wheatencrown]

Demeter opens the door out into her garden where the moon's out and its starting to get hot and humid.

Everywhere something is blooming and the scents fill the air as Demeter smiles and leads Gus to a table set out in a little grove of trees.

Comments

[thesupersmeller]

Letting himself fall easily under the spell of her soft voice and gentle touch, he sighs; "Shawn doesn't need me. He has Juliet now. Soon enough they'll be married and having kids and I'll have nothing."

It's petty, and he knows it is. He likes Jules and even their relationship, but part of him had always assumed it'd be just him and Shawn a while longer.

[wheatencrown]

"I don't believe that will happen. You've kept together through all of your lives, you'll find your way through this together."

[thesupersmeller]

He only sighs again and wipes his eyes against her shoulder. After a long moment of silence, he sighs and pulls back from her.

"It's sad, any more I've got more in common with Shawn's dad than my best friends. He's gone even longer without a date than I have."

[wheatencrown]

"Gus, I'm certain its not that bad. Though you should perhaps speak to Shawn about how you feel. I know he's worried about you as is Juliet."

[thesupersmeller]

He sits back even further, distancing himself as he fishes a bag of Skittles from his pocket and eats a generous handful.

"Shawn wouldn't get it, I mean ... You know him. If it doesn't directly affect him he tunes out and if he feels guilty he ends up doing something stupid. I'll just deal with it, I guess."

He sighs and shrugs; "I just gotta keep trying. Maybe if I fall on my face long enough, someone will cut me a break."

[wheatencrown]

"I think you underestimate just how much he cares for you and worries about you. You're not as alone as you think you are, Gus."

[thesupersmeller]

Gus frowns and shakes his head; "It's different now, everything feels different."

[wheatencrown]

"Then he needs to know that, Gus and your friendship needs to grow."

[thesupersmeller]

"What am I supposed to do, tell him that I'm jealous he fell in love with someone amazing and that everytime a girl turns me down I'm a little closer to being the most pathetic loser ever? I'm pretty sure he's picked up on that."

He crosses his arms across his chest; "I'm shocked he hasn't started trying to set me up."

[wheatencrown]

"No, start by telling him you miss him and are trying to figure out what's happening to your friendship. You're not pathetic, Gus. I won't have you say that about yourself."

[thesupersmeller]

He shrugs again and looks away, blinking back further frustrated tears. He sure as hell feels pathetic, whether she thinks so or not.

"I don't him to feel bad, this isn't his fault. I'm just... I don't know. I am the way I am."

[wheatencrown]

"No, you're better than you think you are."

[thesupersmeller]

It's the same circle he's worked himself into for years, with no sign of unraveling yet.

Softly, looking out at the unfamiliar sky, he asks; "Then why am I still alone? What's wrong with me that I can't even have a normal date, let alone a girlfriend and prospects of a future?"

His voice hitches again, but he forces it back down.

"I'm the problem."

[wheatencrown]

"No, a person can have the Fates be cruel to them for no reason, but things can change and they will,"

There's a promise in her voice, she is going to do all that she can to see him happy.

[thesupersmeller]

He knows she's trying, she's amazing like that. He just can't pull away from the circular path.

Nothing changes.

Forcing himself to look back at her, he nods and licks his lips. "I could use a drink, please, if you've got something?" He's probably already had too many drinks while tending bar, but it makes things a little easier and makes him a little more brave.

[wheatencrown]

"Your wine's right here,"

It worries her how he seems so stuck and she can't seem to do anything.

[thesupersmeller]

He considers it a moment, swallowing before he says; "I should probably switch to water. It's been a rough night."

He doesn't want to go that road, not in front of someone he knows wants to help and doesn't want to see him fall apart even worse than he already is.

"I'm sorry I'm putting all of this on you, it's stupid."

[wheatencrown]

"Gus, I'm here because I care. You're not putting anything more on me than I want to take,"

She pours him some water and puts it where his wine was along with putting some bread near him.

[thesupersmeller]

"Thank you," he looks back up at her with no attempt to hide himself, and then back down. "For the water and you know, everything."

He takes a long drink of water and picks up a piece of crusty bread for something to do with his hands more than anything.

"I know I need to stop what I'm doing..." he pauses a second and then clarifies; "...with her." There's no need to say that name, they both know what he's done.

[wheatencrown]

"You need to take care of yourself, Gus. Stay here tonight and tomorrow you can make a plan of how to get her out of your life."

[thesupersmeller]

He nods slowly and lets out another humorless laugh as he splits the bread between his hands.

"Thank you... I kind of feel like I don't deserve to be here, to be with someone like you." He crumbles the hard crust between his fingers, curling into a gentle fist. "I'm sullied."

[wheatencrown]

"Gus, no, you're not. You made a stupid choice, everyone does that. It doesn't change who you are. I don't want you to leave."

[thesupersmeller]

His lower lip quivers until he sets his jaw firmly, admitting the one thing he hasn't been able to bring himself to say since he slunk back downstairs with a torn shirt and no dignity left. "Maybe the first time was a stupid choice... the second time was purely willful defiance."

He crushes his hands into tight fists, letting the crumbs drop into his lap.

"I knew what I was doing was wrong, but something in my head told me it could be the last chance I had to feel desired and strong." And he realizes he can't look at her again, that it makes him feel lower than dirt to admit that to someone who seems to see him as a much better person than he sees himself.

"I think if I honestly had the choice and I felt that way again, I'd probably do it again."

[wheatencrown]

She moves to squeeze his hand as it doesn't look like he'll let her hug her,

"She probably helped you feel that way as well since its what she wanted. Its not a nice situation to be in but I've known of far worse, Gus. Look at my family. We're good at making awful choices and doing things that are foolish, because they feel right at the time."

[thesupersmeller]

For her? He'd let it happen, if not a little reluctantly.

The gentle touch of her hand once more draws his eyes up and they've glassed over - he's close to breaking and it's the last thing he wants to do in front of anyone.

He nods gently and lets the crumbled mess fall into his lap, turning his wrists to take both of her hands. "I'm just tired of everything being wrong," he whispers, swallowing the lump in his throat; "just once I'd like to do something right that I can feel good about."